History Finals–he said what???!

One of my friends has made it an end-of-semester ritual to send out the funniest “bloopers” (as it were) that students turn in on their history finals.  My friend is now going into the ministry and will be leaving us for the seminary, but he sent out the “greatest hits” to make us laugh and remind us all that what the students often take away from our classes is not precisely what we intend!

The message is quoted below:

It has become somewhat of an end-of-the-semester tradition for me to send out my “F-Student’s Version of History,” made up of that semester’s gaffs and blunders from student essays and papers in my History classes. As most of you know, this is my last semester teaching History (as far as we know…). Therefore, I thought it would be fun to provide you with a “greatest hits” version from each of the years I have taught.

1990 (the one that started it all—the one that made me say, “I need to write this down and keep it for posterity!”): “Rosa Parks, who became a black woman on a bus in the 1950’s, refused to change seats with a fellow passenger. It made all of the black people mad and they called Martin Luther King to help get Rosa Parks off the bus.”

1991: “Some women in the 1920s were known as floppers. This is because the Jazz music caused them to move in interesting ways.”

1992: “Henry the Eighth then got upset because he had no male hairs.”

1993: “On October 5, 1799 began the October Daze, when a group of Peressian women almost killed the queen. This upset the king so much he moved away.”

1994: “Robespierre was killed by a particularly pleasant beheading.”

1995: “During the age of imperialism, Stanley said ‘Dr. Livingstone, I consume.’”

1996: “During the Progressive Era, John Rocketfeller’s Standard Oil Company was finally brought down by a nosy female reporter named Ima Tarheel.”

1997: “Mary Elizabeth Lease was a Farmers’ Alliance in Kansas. She was an example of modern womanhood–tuff, smart and literat.”

1998: “Nixon had buglers break into the Watergate hotel to try to bug Democrats. During this crisis Nixon fired Archy Bullcox in the Saturday Night Mascara.”

1999: “In the depression, Huey Long wanted to ‘soap the rich.’ This made him very popular.”

2000: “Gilgamesh was a Sumerian king who was half god, half man, and half in between.”

2001: “In the 1400s, the Spainiards defeated the Mores, leading to Christopher Columbus going to the new World for the three G’s: Gold, God, and Grammar.”

2002: “The cotton gin was invented in America by Ely Whitey and it did so much work that it eliminated the need for slaves.”

2003: “Thomas Jefferson started the embargo of 1807, which spelled backwards is ‘ograbme.’ Spelling things backwards was very popular in 1807.”

2004: “The British failed to capture Fort McHenry because they did not have enough balls. They fired their balls and nothing happened to the fort.”

2005: “Sitting Bull was and Sue Indian Chef who died because he had wounded knees.”

2006: “The Panama Canal was a big canal the US dug through Cuba and Hawaii.”

2007: “Buffalo hunters would shoot buffalo from behind bushes, and this technique was known as the buffalo hide.”

2008: “Socrates died from a self-administered overdose of headlock.”

2009: “Susan B. Anthony was also the only woman ever to speak in a room that was full of men.”